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| Tropical Beach Wave @ Freedigitalphotos |
I remember all too well not too long ago how I have battled a myriad of emotions. At times, I'd be fine, not happy but just fine. Like everything's okay. Then the emotional lows would come without a warning. Could it just be hormones? Or could it be some form of depression? I really have no idea. Or so I thought.
All I am aware of is the heaviness that felt oppressive at times. I'm used to being alone, but during those emotional attacks, I would fear going home. I'd try to stay somewhere where there are people around, like in the office or in any public place....just not by myself. I welcomed that kind of distraction and yet, I didn't really feel like talking with anybody.
Weird huh? It was. And for months, I rode those waves of emotions. It's okay when the waves were high, when I was fine, even happy at times. It was when the waves crashed that I felt like drowning in the negative emotions. It was suffocating at times. There were so many times that I asked what was wrong with me.
Tired from the roller coaster of emotions, I just cried out one day while praying. I wasn't even speaking in words anymore...just poured out my heart. And there, God revealed things to me.
It was a long journey of moving out from that state into where God wants to bring me. It was a journey that involved surrendering things bit by bit, accepting the plain truth that I try to deny or set aside for some other "truths" that I just deceived myself with.
These days, there are no more surging waves that would suddenly crash onto rocks. They're more like the gentle waves lapping at the shore.
It is in surrendering and trusting in God that I found my peace. My heart is still...for it rests in Him.
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